Castaway from Estrogen Island

by

Jolene

 

1

A lot happens to you when you face adversity. It has a lingering effect that can be devastating or bring healing. Tragedy knows no virtue; sexually, physically, emotionally, or mentally. We’re molded by our actions, relationships, and everything else.

I was born a man of reasonable stature. I was of average height and weight, grew up with the normal things, girlfriends, tough loving parents, an older brother who taught me how to survive in the woods, and use craft. I survived but he passed away fighting in a war that wasn’t his doing. He served us all with honor.

I had a few hard knocks come along the way, but had some good fortune spring forward that brought me hope. One of those was my wife Cheryl.

She was a lovely woman, with auburn hair, pretty green eyes, and a sweet south Texas drawl in 5’ 6’ frame. Maybe two inches separated us in height. We met at a flight counter. I was working as a flight crewman. She was a flight attendant.

After crossing paths for several months, we met for lunch, dated, than fell in love, and got married in a whirlwind romance that ended way too soon.

As a gift from our employer, we happened to work for the same airline. They give us a honeymoon trip to the South Seas.

"Ohmygod, John I can’t believe this, Fuji, south sea, tropical islands, you and me naked under a cabana roof making out. It is so like heaven I can’t believe it." Cheryl said and we kissed for an hour at our apartment. Then had serious coupling with olive oil.. then took a nice long bubble bath together.

"Cheryl, it’s not going to be that easy, love. Although, the idea does appeal to me with the Cabana and the nakedness, in paradise."

"Amen babe, we’re going to have fun. That’s why I became a flight attendant, the travel, the excitement, then I found you. You’re my heart in paradise."

"Cheryl, you’re my heart in paradise too." We kissed and made love in the bathtub splashing suds all over the floor. I loved her passion and soul. Cheryl was so beautiful that way.

 

2

The following morning we packed making sure we had everything we needed. Took a cab to the airport. At the gate, we ran into slight problem. This had nothing to do with new regulations. A mutual friend and a security officer asked us to join them in the office. Expecting an inspection of our baggage.

What we got was a reception and send off. Complete with little kiwis, a makeup kit, and a Swiss Army knife. With strict warnings not to use it on the plane, unless Cheryl strapped me to a toilet seat and gave me an intense lap dance. I told them I would submit willingly to her demands. This received applause from everyone and a kiss from my adoring wife.

After exchanging pleasantries, we boarded our plane. It was a medium size 747 with a few years in the air. It looked in good shape with a little wear in tear only a trained I could see. My dad was a flight mechanic and a crewman. He taught me to notice. I clutched onto Cheryl’s hand, she took my arm with a sweet smile, as we took our seats.

Take off was bumpy but okay. Denver International Airport is like a tar pit to planes in bad weather. But we managed to get over the Rockies within an hour after take off. Honolulu was our next stop from there, it was another few hours by jet to Fuji and two weeks of paradise.

Cheryl noticed I was a little pensive, with our layover in Hawaii. "Baby, by tomorrow morning we’ll be there. Then I am going give you the greatest body inspection ever."

"Girl, I can’t wait. I was thinking of the same thing to you. Especially your nook and crannies."

"J, you are too much sometimes. You better! Is all I have to say." She smiled and made love to me.

 

3

Island hopping isn’t easy in the Pacific. In bad weather, typhoons, monsoons, and hurricanes rise out of the pitch-black skies and can be pretty deadly.

Our jet was like a large Cessna, when it should have been larger type, with about a hundred people on board for the stretch of islands we were going to. The weight was at near capacity. The pilots were experienced but in a Pacific storm, even St. Peter doesn’t have all the skills, to pray and battle gale force winds.

Other fates stepped, shifting in a South westerly course to avoid most of the storm, we veered, a fuel cell must have overheated, and an engine blew. From there things got decidedly worse. Cheryl helped some of the passengers with attendants to calm them down. I helped batten down hatches, then went looking for boats to ready just in case we had crashdown.

It came about an hour later. At an altitude of 15,000 feet, the plane took a swan dive at a blistering speed into the sea. One or two the pilots, and a passenger helped toss the boats. The waves swirled mist like volcanoes, they were huge mountains that blurred you couldn’t tell peaks from the valleys. Some passengers didn’t wait and without vests just leaped to their deaths into the sea.

Cheryl and I were together and held on best we could, when I lost her briefly. A steel rod used to open the door, flew from the jam hitting my groin and rammed into my gut causing me to double over as the plane went into a spin. I screamed for Cheryl.

She rushed to my side and help to the door as the plane continued to spin. In the commotion, I saw a raft that had been missed, Cheryl and I grabbed hold, a mile in the air. Without being able to help the other passengers, we inflated the raft tossed into the sea, fixed our vests, closed our eyes and leaped.

We fell grasping for air in the tossing brine, the fall must have knocked Cheryl Unconscious, seeing the raft, tossing about, I used all my strength to carry her, caught hold, swung her into the boat and then myself. Meanwhile, I saw the smoke of the plane into the darkness and sank without a sound.

 

5

We must have drifted for days. Cheryl wasn’t hurt as bad but was winded and bruised. The rod had breached my groin area causing damage. All I could think of was nursing Cheryl until she recovered.

Knowing a little first aid I did my best for her. When she saw me, she went into Hysterics.

"Babe, don’t. I’m okay. Basically, not knowing the extent, it could be a temporary thing, or last longer."

"John, I know about things like this. You could become impotent or sterile or a eunuch, maybe worse. But thank God you’re alive. What are we going to do?" She started to cry but held herself.

"I don’t know. What I know of the South Seas, maybe we can find an island. Some of them have fruit trees, wild herbs, some animals, and fish in the shallows to sustain life. If we help each other, we can survive."

Over the horizon, a rain storm brewed up another swell, nauseated and sick, we thought we were dreaming when I saw jetties off to our right.

With all our strength we turned the raft toward the rocky shore and hoped for the best, it must have taken us hours weakened from a lack of water and food, managed to maneuver into the shallows. A large wave rushed at us, I turned the boat around away from the foam told Cheryl to hang on, and hung ten onto the beach, nearly knocking us over. Cheryl suffered a severe cut to her shoulder cut. As, we carried each other to shore.

We collapsed on the beach exhausted. I rushed to make a quick awning with a few branches and palm leaves, found some shells to catch rainwater, and propped the boat against the opening as a shield. Tired, bruised and hurt. We passed out in the night.

 

6

Cheryl was always beautiful to wake up to in the morning. The sun gleamed through the palm leaves onto her pretty face.

"Morning beautiful I said?"

"Hey, my hero. I’d like breakfast in bed with eggs, coffee, and you on the side."

She said walked outside and nearly fainted.

"Easy honey, you were hurt pretty bad, in the scraping last night." I said running to catch her.

"John I’m okay. We have to do something for food. We need to take stock on what we have and what we know about horticulture, craft, fire, surviving even in the wilderness. Explore this damned island and figure out a way to get off here."

"Cheryl, I know. I know a little botany, wood craft, as you can see from our humble abode but it won’t do. I can make a fire, and I know survival training. My brother taught me. He was a Ranger in the Army."

"Good you can be Jane and I’ll be Tarzan or should that be reversed." She said trying to be humorous.

"Cute, me Tarzan you Jane. I’ll catch and you can clean."

"Fine!"

"Fine! Let get to work." We hugged each other, kissed and got to work.

I got a fire going but it took time. Nearby coconuts were found. Thank goodness I had the knife still. It became a lifesaver for us.

Exploring the island became a priority; the island contained an unusual amount of plants and vegetables but most containing natural vitamins, minerals, and health benefits as well. Most of them were for women I later found. Especially helpful was an Aloe Vera.

Cheryl’s wounds never quite healed and became infected. The Aloe plants helped to a degree, using everything I could think of. Made mud packs, and treated the wounds. Meanwhile my wounds healed, but I sex organ became useless. Most of the tubers we found were like yams and soy potatoes. They contained estrogen and took advantage of my body.

Even the teas, Cheryl made out of plants contained amounts of estrogen but the mineral content kept us alive. Still Cheryl never got over her fever completely.

With a little fish, coconut milk, yams and berries our appetites never wavered. Fortune smiled upon us while searching the northern part of the island. Wreckage from the crash had washed on shore.

Parts of the fuselage including baggage’s of clothing washed up on the beach as well, and various other packages scattered throughout on shore.

Rushing to collect to everything was like a close out sale at a department store. But as strange luck, the only things in the suitcases were women’s clothes. There was everything from dresses to bras to underwear. Fortunately some slacks were in the mix too.

Cheryl looked at me with a strange smile on her face. "I’ve always wondered what you would like in women’s clothes."

"Hon, you okay? How’s your fever?"

"John, I’m okay. Some days are better than others. Look at the situation. We only have women’s clothes to share. If you can make me a cross-stitch needle, I’ll try to make you some shorts or a loin clothe if you like."

 

7

Out of a little bamboo tree, I made her two needles. Cheryl went to work. I worked too. After a learning a trick or two from my dad. Take your index figure and measure from the third knuckle it’s like 3 inches, from a vine, made her tape measure. It was a little gift. For this she made me some bikini shorts. There on the beach we had intimate moments. I took my tongue and explored my wife, where my penis couldn’t. With a quaint a satisfied state she called me Joanna. Joanna was a very good friend I found later.

I thought she was jesting. But her eyes were somewhere else. I was losing her and I felt it but held her tight as I could. Time went on, the days turned to weeks. I fashioned a sun dial to tell time during the day. A clay igloo served as our home with some of the fuselage as a roof.

We had most of the amenities available, a clothes line, a small spring near the shore to bath, and a waterfall near the cliff to shower in. Fresh water was in supply. I even managed to make some chairs. A table used to be a large tortoise whose carcass washed up on shore. Was later cleaned and built.

Meanwhile, the estrogen had started to take a toll on my body only after two months. My abdomen was almost an hourglass and my breast tissue had turned tender, developing a small tear shape. Cheryl’s mood seemed to grow more erratic and absent minded. During the evening’s we kept fires lit and take turns watching for any passing ships, or planes.

Still no planes passed but one night. I was napping on the beach, Cheryl had a bikini style top and short she had made, was sitting on a rock modeling for me. She very lovely now with her hair down, mid back. She had styled mine when it began to grow with similar cut I discovered. It had now begun to tingle my shoulders. My dark brown hair, had turned blonde somehow. She made us shampoos and conditioners from the plants, said it would help keep the insects out of our hair.

Whether an illusion or not, a light flickered over the horizon. It must have been a ship. Cheryl said it was just a star over the ocean, who had took her heart of paradise.

"Cheryl, wasn’t that a ship? The fires. We have to get the fires going!" I yelled and rushed to the log pile.

"Joanna, no! That’s not a ship. It’s a bird of paradise carrying a star. I, I didn’t notice." She stopped herself for a minute than looked at me. My hair styled in a pageboy cut, swayed over my left eye, a top covered my chest, and hot shorts cut to my waist. My legs smoothed from her constant moisturizing. She looked at me, fell to the sand and cried, "Ohmygod, John what I have done to you?"

"Cheryl, sweetie, it’s okay. Joanna? She was real wasn’t she?"

"In college, she was a girl I knew. We had a thing, experimented, had sex. In my delirium, I made you into her image. She was about your height. With the weight you’ve lost maybe a little more, and a nose job, and longer hair. You could pass for her. I am so sorry! She meant a lot to me."

"It’s okay. I need you girl. I don’t know if I can go back to being a man again. I know the natural hormones are changing me. In a couple of months, my breasts may get bigger. I hope not to big. We’re running out things to wear and create." I kissed her and hugged her.

"Baby not to scare you, but your right. Eventually, you’ll be changing some more. Your hips will get rounder as weight shifts so will your boobs. John, I think I’m dying. I had a problem as a young girl. I got a rare form of pneumonia. It affected my lungs and left a small hole there. Treatments helped but unless we got off this island. I don’t know if I can make it, colds, flu, or something else. I found a few plants that have helped but the side effects have hurt you."

"You’ve given me those herbs too? Cheryl, you must have loved Joanna a great deal or was it you needed another sister?" I said.

" Carol loves you but she knew about Joanna too. Promise me if you make it off this island to tell her I love her and she was wrong about you. You’re were my heart of paradise."

"You’re mine too. And you’ll always be. Hang on to me, Cheryl. I will always love you no matter what." We made love for the last time.

For two weeks, I tried everything I could think of to save her. Then a cold wind came through with a strong storm. My heart of paradise left me as angels took her to heaven’s shore.

I buried her near her favorite spot called ‘standing rock’ near the waterfall. I marked it with her name Cheryl Rose Anson was here. Then I cried for hours. I don’t know if it was the emotion or the hormones but it hurt just the same.

 

8

Destiny plays a funny hand sometimes. I walked the island for days. Searching out favorite spots where Cheryl and played, chased each other, gathered food, made all kinds of promises when left the island and returned home. Before leaving I had saved some of my sperm in a bank in Phoenix. Maybe for an occasion if something strange happened to me she could bare my child. I understood later she had saved one of her eggs. I’d later why she wanted to get in touch with Carol.

But things had to happen to bear such dreams. A small yacht cruised off shore one night when I noticed the lights. Fortunately when on hormones your voice doesn’t change. I lit the fires and leapt and up down like a cheerleader, took a little raft I had made, splattered a little homemade paraffin I made from experimenting and sent it out far it was go like a floating lighthouse or beacon.

Sirens sounded from the ship and a small motorboat came to greet me. The two men looked like something out a 50’s swashbuckler. They were unshaven, tall and muscular and looked like they hadn’t seen a woman in years. One wore his hair in a ponytail seemed at least articulate. The accent was a mixture of Spanish, Portuguese, and Polynesian maybe Filipino thrown in.

I took a chance and told them in Spanish. My girlfriend and I shipwrecked on this island. She passed away but I survived if they would take me to the nearest civilization. I would make it worth their time.

The short haired misinterpreted my choice of words and probably made wedding plans or worse. The thought made my skin crawl. But I had to leave the island for Cheryl’s sake. I’d find some way to come back for her.

I got a suitcase picked up some things. I changed my clothes and threw on a jacket took a few home made items, my Swiss Army Knife, and a compact mirror Cheryl found in one of the suitcases. Then joined my rescuers on the boat. I told my heart of paradise goodbye one last time and blew the island a kiss.

 

9

The boat was like a floating tugboat. It was a good size but it wasn’t shipping boat or carried freight. My rescuers were smugglers. Besides the two men, their leader was a big man, who spoke English. I was grateful for that, at least four other men and three women on board. They were a mother and two daughters.

They liked me but were cold at first. The oldest woman was kind fed me some supper than made a nice bed for me in the stateroom. Calypso was tall and slender, with a nice build. Liked my island outfit. Maria was about three inches shorter but lovely.

The momma watched me like a den mother watching a baby cub. I offered to help with boatswains or cook, clean whatever they wanted me. They wouldn’t hear of it.

One night in, Consuella made an observation Spanish. "You are she-male? No?"

My heart jumped out of my skin, "I am not as I appear, no. My wife and I crash landed on the island some months past. Our plane went down and everyone on board perished. She passed just a few a weeks ago. An accident left me impotent, eating the plants on the island gave me boobs and changed my figure."

"I see. My sympathies. You have possibilities, with work, some lessons you could become pretty woman. The highlights in your hair give you radiance."

"Consuella, I wouldn’t know where to begin. Thank you for the kind words. I have not seen my homeland in months. My wife has died. I want to be near my friends and family." I said in Spanish close to tears. She nodded her head then whispered. A chill went down my spine.

"The boss likes you. He’d like you in his bed if not for the fact you are Americano. Pretty women alone on the seas are delicacy. You, Joanna are a nice catch. It would be easy for him to throw you back where he found you, plucked of your virginity."

"Consuella, why tell me. Is this to scare me to submit?"

"No dear, you have much to learn? How long since you’ve seen a looking glass?"

I think I know what she meant. Come to think of it Cheryl never did let me look in a mirror. She told her daughters to come in. They dressed me in a blouse, sarong style skirt, sandals, and brushed my hair. Using a little foundation in the make up kit. With a little eyeliner, and a trim of my eyebrows. I understood where she was coming from. Maria and Calypso admired their handiwork gave me a hug and left.

I gasped when I saw what I had become. I modeled my new clothes, turned round and round like a ballerina dancing. Thank god the doors and windows were closed so the men couldn’t see me.

"Consuella, Oh my! If my brother were alive, he would have freaked at this. My mom would be screaming for joy."

"My girls and me will do all we can to help you. I will not tell the captain of your true self nor what happened. Or how you came to be this way. When you reach your home. You must see doctor immediately. I know a friend at the port. Who’ll get you an appointment and safety wear. My son was she-male. He’s no longer with us but she’s still in my heart in another country serving the whims of a devil!"

I gasped, felt sorry for her and gave her a hug. "Oh no, Consuella! What happened?"

"My husband, found her to be more lovely than her sisters and sold her into prostitution. There’s business of all kinds in these parts flesh is no better. You’ve been asked to sit with us this evening, they’ll be food, dancing and music. We must use your natural grace to advantage. He must not suspect."

With that, I was put through etiquette training, worked on my voice until it was sore. Calypso and Maria worked on my gestures, and manner. I learned two years of charm school in three hours. With luck, I’d make it through the night.

The gathering in the main dining hall was festive and exciting. I stayed with the women even helped cook dinner and set the table. Consuella smiled at me like she had found a long lost daughter while the girls were sisterly. I felt good for the first time in weeks.

When the music played and one of the crewman banged his congas, I asked to join him. In my puffy white blouse, long skirt, long blonde hair flowing wildly, Jorge and I competed. I hadn’t played in years and for them to see an American woman, play so well. It astonished and amazed them. I got into the music. The conga did the rest.

 

10

In broken English, Jorge told me I played beautifully and asked me if I’d join him. For some reason I was interested and even asked Consuella, if he was fairer then most of them. Jorge was new to the trades. Yet surprisingly knew the world far beyond the West Indies. Even appreciated American music, I learned a long time musicians appreciate everything.

In his cabin, he was gentle and kind. Then I saw his badge in his waste coat. I gulped. I didn’t know whether to faint or something else.

"Americana, you play beautiful conga. Your story about shipwreck and friend dying on the island is possible but you leave me in a bind. I cannot protect you and protect my cover. These people are drug pirates. They would soon kill you or me or the other women if they thought it wouldn’t matter. Fortunate for you, we reach land tomorrow. Once on shore go to the magistrate’s office. Ask for foreign officer, Alonzo Dequaillar he’ll contact your consulate to get you back home. Tell him Jorge Mingo sent you." He offered me a shot of rum and soda.

One of the other crewman, pounded on his door. His name was Salazar. He was a wired kind of guy and squirrelly. Just thinking of him gave me the shivers. Shaking us both. He said something to Jorge in garbled French-Spanish lingo but the dialect was totally Micronesian. I didn’t like the tone at all.

Jorge took me close to him and kissed me with his tongue, told me to get undressed in Spanish, so we could have some fun. There was a wink in his eye. I said something in Spanish then motioned, asking the man in the doorway to leave us. Jorge yelled at the man as I began to take off my blouse.

In the bed wearing nothing but my bra and slip, a nice cleavage peeking thru Jorge and I began our masquerade. Salazar left in a hurry closing the door behind him. I giggled in my best female voice then prayed for it to be over soon. When the coast was clear I put my clothes on. I kissed Jorge goodnight. A thank you just didn’t seem appropriate enough.

An hour later I was in Consuella’s room, she was upset with me for consorting with Jorge so long. She reminded me of my mother. I told her I had to. Salazar was sniffing around and wanted to join us. I told her a python would have been friendlier companion. She agreed wholeheartedly and hugged me. I didn’t tell her anything about Jorge’s cover. He was sweet during the entire time except for nibbling on my ears. I reminded him of his girlfriend. She had a similar taste he said.

 

11

I slept restlessly all night. Tossing and turning, everything had been a blur for these last months and my confusion was getting the better of me. Cheryl appeared to me in a dream.

"John, Joanna?" She called me angelically.

"Oh Cheryl, honey. Call me Joan." I saw myself naked in a mirror. I was 5’8 with long dark blonde hair, a great figure, and a vagina. I was a real woman. I turned round I was wearing a white smock as Cheryl walked with me. I saw myself as a little girl in pigtails with braces, then a teenage girl, with boy friends and puberty. My busy mother and worried father, and a brother who treated me like a tomboy. Mike was so wonderful. I still miss him.

All night Cheryl talked to me showed me things, and a life to come. A ships bell woke me from the slumber. Despite the dream, I felt rested. I knew what I had to do when I returned home. My heart in paradise spoke to me, as she always did, but this time woman to woman.

 

12

San Salome Island is a small hub in the Solomon Islands, in Micronesia, vessels from all Asia in the South Pacific rim come in there’s a tourist trade, and others from guns to drugs, to flesh of all kinds too.

I gave my regards to Consuella, Calypso and Maria. Thanked the Captain for his hospitality and blew kisses to the men, and especially Jorge. Then with my clothes, wearing a nice dress Maria gave me, made straight to the foreign office to talk to the magistrate.

The building was midsize like a two story monstrosity with a little Victorian panache thrown in two guards were sitting outside. Both of them in mid 30’s, reasonable attractive but menacing with mustaches and sideburns. Walking up through the steps one whistled in my direction and another followed. I smiled to myself took a deep breath then went to find Alonzo.

His office was serene, eclectic, but cordial in working class professional decorum.

I noticed a picture of the Arizona Memorial and felt a sigh of release.

He was a heavyset man with a thin mustache and a scruffy beard but he acted like a friendly uncle. I told him my story, omitting the hormonal imbalances, and telling him what happened presented John and Cheryl’s ID. Saying I was his sister and had lost mine. He noticed the resemblance to my male self and about Jorge.

He made a couple of phone calls. Then told me, "Ms. Anson. We’ll have you back home before you know it. Or should I say Mr. Anson."

I just about swallowed my heart.

"The island you were washed on." He showed me a map, "it was two hundred miles North of here, a call was made that a plane went down. It was apparent all passengers were lost. That island, John or should I say. Is a pharmacy for dealers in female orientation and inexpensive. With your wife’s knowledge of botany. It’s not surprising. Her work is most creative."

"Chief Daquillar, you telling me this has happened before or often. The elder woman gave me the name of a doctor here."

"Yes Consuella, is a good woman. Her Babo was such a tragedy. Anyone knowing chemistry in these parts is in high demand. Thailand is a 1,000 miles away. For a fee, anyone can become woman. Although not respected, she-males are regarded and a tragedy, disease is not uncommon here."

"Your telling me. He was purposefully changed, then Shanghaied. I can’t believe I said that. Kidnapped seems better."

"Yes unfortunately Joan, Shanghaied is a good description. Consuella Doctor friend name is Alehandro Ortiz. He studied in your United States. I’ll give you his address. My wife and I have a villa not from here. It’s closed in. The hotel would not be safest place for such a lovely woman. You’re welcome to stay until a representative arrives."

"Alonzo I’d be honored to stay. Thank you. The doctor’s office is nearby?"

"I’ll tell my wife to expect you. Ortiz is just down the block, Yellow brick building."

I shook his hand and thanked him. Than on a impulse, gave him a peck on the cheek and walked to Doctor’s Ortiz office."

In Ortiz’s office, he couldn’t believe the results of the hormones. I told him the complete. The rod had denigrated my penis, groin and testes. It was surprising I could even pee or anything else.

With a little accent but in good American, The doctor Said, "Joan, you’re manhood is gone. The hormones in your system will over take you. Even without them, you’ll never fully revert to your former male self. We have nickname for that. Estrogen Island. Highly concentrated, natural herbs, Strange as it seems. It was produced naturally. All through these parts, there’s islands just like that one. With your injury, the changes happened sooner. Without the injury. Your iron count’s a little high but you’d appear a normal male."

"What’s the alternative here, sex change or reassignment?"

"Sexually speaking you could function as a female or male. But those breasts, will continue to develop. Your almost at a b cup now. You’ll stabilize around there.. You can’t have children but your sperm count now is minimal."

I looked at him with a blank look and wanted to cry. "Consuella and Alonzo said you might be able to help me."

"Joan, I ask two things. One never to reveal my practice, two don’t tell friends of my occupation. The price isn’t cheap."

"Doctor, I understand the first one. Two, I have no friends of this persuasion. I’ve given it some thought I might enjoy being female. I have to live for Cheryl’s sake and mine."

"The shot will make you sleepy and dazed. You should be alright in a few days if not longer. I could do something about that nose too if you want?"

"Contact Alonzo for me. Okay. I have to meet my consulate in a few days…." I dozed off after the prick of the syringe.

I saw Cheryl in a faint dream. We had coffee, talked, and shared sweet kisses as we cuddled together. In a flash forward I was pushing a baby carriage. She was lovely little girl with pink ribbons in her blonde hair. She had Cheryl’s eyes.

I awoke about two days later. In a small bedroom surrounded by, Antique style lamps and beaded curtains, incense smells of jasmine perforated the air. I was wearing a red gown with yellow polka dots.

Moving around to get my bearings, a middle-aged woman came into the room, with a nice face and medium length hair gave me a warm welcome.

"Ms Americano is awake. I’m Erica Dequiallar."

"Joan Anson, nice to meet you. I haven’t been too much of burden." I said smiling.

"No burden, Joan. You remind me of my daughter. She’s a stewardess for Pacific Airlines."

"Erica, it’s a small world. My brother’s fiancé worked for them too. How did I…" "Dr. Ortiz brought you. You rest now. You have a visitor tomorrow."

I was still a little sore but was able to move around. Looking in the mirror I saw

A bruised young woman I barely recognized. Except for the voice, John Allan Anson was no more.

 

13

The following day Warner Brock came into my life. He was tall, rugged looking with chiseled features and a demeanor somewhere between a Harvard graduate and a former Marine Corps drill instructor. He was both those things and cute too. He worked for an attaché and as a liaison in that region.

"Warner, I have to ask. How soon can I go home?"

"Joan whenever you like. There’s an airfield in Carmalo. It’s the largest island in these parts and just a skip and jump from here in a chopper. Aside from your brother and wife’s id’s. Do you still have your passports, were they lost in the crash? It’s routine. The less paperwork the better."

"Warner all I have are these two badges, a broken heart and a craving for a cheeseburgers and French fries."

"Joan, I understand. Lets see what we can do and get you home."

He held my hand, like it was a promise and my Romeo rode me off into the sunset.

First I paid my respects, to Erica and Alonzo thanked them most graciously for their kindness, then with a loan from Warner, was able to buy a few clothes, and other necessities I needed. That afternoon I was in a chopper headed for Carmalo. After that Australia, I was in Honolulu within two weeks.

During that time Warner never left my side. Widowed and alone hadn’t known anyone for a long while. We made love before I left Sydney. It was beautiful that night, our hotel overlooking the amphitheater. I kissed him goodbye and told him I’d write.

Before meeting Carol, I called and talk to her. Told her what happened and to be in for a surprise, to look for a blonde long haired woman wearing a red hat. She about died when she saw me at the airport.

"John! What happened to you? What’s this about Cheryl?" She rushed into my arms hugging me and crying.

I told her everything, including Cheryl’s and my plans for a baby and the contingencies if anything happened to me. What I couldn’t explain to my mother and father what happened to me. Their son died on that island as well.

"Come on sister in law. We have to have a long talk. Do you have a room for tonight?"

"Warner called ahead to get me a room at the Hilton."

"From what you told me he sounds hot. You didn’t."

"Being former military, don’t ask don’t tell. After all he thought I was all woman. Carol he was wonderful. I had to show some gratitude."

"We still have to talk about plans and everything else."

 

14

I stayed with Carol that night in her hotel. She shared her secrets, dreams. Told me about Cheryl and Joanna when they were at college.

"Carol you have to tell me about Cheryl. She mentioned her medical problems, but the dementia scared me, with the fever… I’m sure it was one of those things." I sighed close to tears.

"Joan, honey. Cheryl always had problems. She loved you, she really did. She told me so constantly. I envied that. Me Rick never made it. I can’t have children Myself. I have no ovaries. But Cheryl did something wonderful. She donated one of her eggs to a lab in Chicago if anything happened, she’d give one to me."

"Carol! I donated sperm to a sperm bank in Phoenix if anything happened to me.

Maybe someday Cheryl might live again after all, through us."

"You have to change your name, eventually. What a great idea!"

"Carol, I know. The Airline barely talked to me. They were really shocked, and dumbfounded by my transformation. I agreed to walk away. I want to get on with my life the best I could. Great! Joan Aileen Anson?"

"I know a lawyer friend who might be able to help. Anyway, tell me about Warner Brock."

"Carol! Ohmygosh, Well, he’s tall, handsome, not rich but well connected in all the right places. His kind of cute, knows several languages, went to Harvard, and knows how to handle himself in a bar fight. Tell me about your lawyer friend. Is he rich?"

"Scott is well off but not rich, kind of sexy, drives a nice car, nothing fancy. On the date meter, he’s about an 71/2."

"I’ll call him about your situation. Then we’ll see about dating. We have to get you home first. Have you called your mom?"

"Carol I wouldn’t no where to begin. She lives in Bakersfield California, with two dogs, a cat, and a husband, who’s idea of fun is watching paint dry by sunlight. But he used to be a vibrant, strong man. When Mike died, he died too. I became non-existent. Mom did what she could but she never got through."

"You have to let her know Joan. She’s probably worried sick about you."

 

15

I didn’t know what to do about mom. But Carol, I did know. I relocated to Chicago for awhile so I could get acclimated to womanhood. I called mom eventually. She heard from the airline I was alive, but was shocked at the results. I told her I’d see her in about a month. Carol was a great friend and we became close. She helped me become the woman I wanted to be.

I changed my name to Joan Aileen Anson and learned to shop. Went to hair salons I learned to walk in heels, about makeup, styles, dyed my hair a dark auburn and learned how to handle men. Consuella would have been proud of me. I even sent a postcard to her in San Solomon, to let her know how I was doing. The card was custom made with Carol and me on the front.

A month later, after wrangling for Cheryl’s egg, we were off to Phoenix. I told mom I’d meet her later in Bakersfield. She’d hear none of it and wanted to meet me at Mike’s house. It was in my name.

The house was a farm style three bed – two bath, 2000 square, brick house. A black sedan was in the drive way, when the cabbie drove us up. I was worried Dad would be there to.

"Oh Carol, I am so freaked."

"Honey, you’ll do fine. You’ve done okay so far." Carol grabbed my hand and walked with me up the drive, with only two clothes. The cabbie took our luggage and set it on the curb.

A small woman came outside the door. Her silver hair down to her shoulders, beautiful elegant, if a little frail, momma still had style and grace. Wearing a nice silk blouse, dark skirt, and low heels.

She hugged Carol first, and smiled, "Carol, it is so lovely to see you again. I’m so sorry about Cheryl."

"Sylvia, thank you. You’re looking lovely as ever." Carol hugged her wiping a tear.

"Hey Momma, well?" I said and turned a complete 360.

"I’d know my baby anywhere. My sweet angel. You’ve become a lovely young woman. I don’t know what made you this way. You’re home now and safe. Come inside.

I made us tea and we can talk." She hugged me tight and kissed my cheek.

After getting the luggage in, we settled down in the living room for tea. The living room walls were bare except for photographs of the family. Cheryl and I used to come on our downtime. The place needed fixing, with a touch up and coat of paint. It could be livable again.

"Honey I have to know? What are you plans? Do you need money is there a man?"

"Momma! I have plans. I don’t need money right now. There’s a guy he’s 3,000 miles away in Australia and he works for the foreign office."

"An ambassador in the family. Dana Winthrop will be furious."

"Momma, he’s an attaché and tourist liaison who helps Americans without passports get back home. He’s cute and a Harvard graduate. He used to be a Marine."

"Carol maybe you can tell me about him. Even as a child, John could never get to the point except one Halloween he dressed as a princess. Mike played his bodyguard and they were adorable together."

"John cross dressed once? No wonder she’s so good now. She’s a natural. She’s a quick study. Men cling to her like flies on sugar. I got two dates during one week just from going out with her one evening. His name is Warner Brock. He’s a widower."

I rolled my eyes and turned red as a rayon sweater. Momma and Carol noticed and giggled at my plight.

"Joan dear, don’t roll your eyes. You’ll go cross-eyed. Warner Brock. Your father knew a Brock at Fort Bragg or was it Camp LeJeune? Has he called lately?"

I let out a sigh and cringed. "Oh I might as well get used to it. Momma I’m still in mourning. Mr. Brock and I met only three months ago. I got a note from him about two weeks ago asking if I was okay. I wrote him back saying I was."

I looked at Carol with a sad look, sighed, and blurted out. My mother gasped then had the biggest smile on her face I ever saw.

"Momma, Carol and I are going to have a baby. With my frozen sperm and one of Cheryl’s ovaries, implanted in Carol."

"I’ll be. Joan! Raising a child with two mothers isn’t the best thing. Not there’s anything bad. It’s a big responsibility. But I’m thrilled I could have a grandson or granddaughter. What about job security?"

"Sylvia, we’ve thought this through. She could get a job doing anything. Just telling her story to a national magazine could put her on easy street for the rest of her life."

"I’m not that kind of girl am I momma?" I walked over set beside her and held her. She clutched my hands and smiled caressing them.

"Carol, I know my child. She’ll figure out something. She knows what works and what doesn’t. Her brother knew it too. Their daddy taught them how to prepare for anything."

"I’m thinking men, dating, life stuff, laughs. Everything else is housecleaning."

"Somehow Carol, I don’t think you have to worry about that." Momma said looking at me with a gleam in her eye.

"Okay momma, you caught me. I was a bad girl! I slept with Warner once. It does not mean Carol will be his surrogate too. I can never get pregnant but I can have Cheryl’s baby with Carol’s help."

"Joan dear, you always had good sense. You’re going to turn out well. Your Aunt Ida always thought your smarts came from her." Mom said rubbing my back.

"I miss her too momma." We held each other as Carol joined us.

The meeting at the sperm bank was an adventure but after some legal sparring for some weeks. I had to prove who I was. I, also, had to see a counselor.

 

16

Telling my story to Dr. Nina Swanson, she sat with her mouth open scribbled notes and looked at me like I was a goldmine.

"Joan, I want you to get a physical and check up. Have you seen a doctor since returning from overseas?"

"Yes in Chicago. The hormones on the island pretty much did most of the work. The surgery took care of the rest. I was proscribed Progestin and another to regulate my system. Hygiene has been a problem but I’m learning."

"Joan, you’ve adjusted pretty well. Your behavior and a natural radiance is remarkable. Did you ever experiment with men or share any erotic adventures, cross dress, go out in public, or any of those kinds of things?"

"As a child, I’d dress for Halloween. Once in a school play, there wasn’t enough girls in the chorus, so they asked me to volunteer. The teachers gave me a girl’s uniform and a make over. Everyone thought it was funny. It was fun but I never took it seriously."

"I see but there’s something else. You didn’t mind dressing up as a girl? Did you ever have fantasies of becoming female?"

I sighed, flipped my hair. Looking at my nails, they were rose red. Small looped earrings tugged on my lobes, seeing my reflection in the window. Wearing a powder blue t shirt, and jeans. An attractive woman stared back at me.

"Nina, I always wondered what it would be like on a part-time basis, as a kid. I never thought it would happen, to happen so quickly, to lose Cheryl the way I did. The legend of the Phoenix comes to mind. John Anson’s tragedy became Joan Anson’s triumph. I like me this way and I feel good. I’d like to salvage my life and move on. Cheryl and I had a nickname for each other. My heart of paradise. If things go well, she’ll return to me and Carol." I choked up and tears fell. Nina handed me Kleenex, kneeled by my side.

"Joan, I’d like to help. Invitro-fertilization is terribly expensive. There is a pilot program at the University of Arizona, and there’s groups who might be able to help."

Nina did help and was a lifesaver for Carol and me. I wrote Warner told him I was moving to Arizona to live. He wrote me emails he was transferring back to Los Angeles and maybe visiting soon. Carol moved her work to Phoenix where and we stayed for several months. Momma was supportive and helpful, with arrangements and appointments. She even worked on me, more than anything, making me into the daughter she always wanted. Not wanting to fight the obvious I let her. Eventually, Dad came to help work on the house. He admired my reserve and strength but had reservations about my transformation.

Meanwhile, Carol was a trooper about the flux. We became closer, especially during the fertilization. A thousand things were always happening at once. She and I handled everything beautifully.

Not two weeks later waiting for the results, from the first invitro shot from the clinic, Warner came to visit. He wasn’t alone either. He found the island where Cheryl and I crashed. The home had been ransacked, and everything else. What little was brought back to us, we buried with Cheryl’s memory in Phoenix Cemetery. My mom and dad took Warner into the family. Carol was grateful and I fell in love with him.

He even offered one night take us all to dinner. Dad would hear none of it, offered to pay instead. They argued and hit it off.

During an intimate moment one evening, Warner almost proposed, "Joan, I like your dad, I’m not going to pretend I don’t know your past or when we first met. Not that I was gay or something. I sympathize. I’m not sure what you and Carol are going to do, if she’s able to carry. If you ever need a man around, or a father figure, for the baby, I’m a phone call away."

"Warner Brock. I think you’re wonderful. It’s very nice of you to offer. LA is certainly closer than the Solomon Islands. If you’re asking for something, ask me."

"Alright, I have some assets, I’m a widower with a young boy. He lives with his Aunt in West LA. I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life."

"Warner I’m flattered and touched. Wow! First things first, okay? Please don’t take this the wrong way. If the invitro works, Carol and I want a life-partner ceremony to share custody of the baby. You and I can still see each other? Carol and mom want me to be with you. They think you’ll be a good influence. Hon, I’m being honest with you, so you know."

Warner took me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and held him. "Your dad wants me to watch over you and Carol. He’s taking me skeet shooting and fishing this weekend. Have a guy bonding thing."

"Babe, watch your six with dad, he’s tough. Let him win a couple of rounds, then kick his butt. He’ll probably adopt you."

"Mom warned me about girls like you. So he’s a bad shot?"

"No love, he’s good. He’s won a few championships. That’s how mom landed him. He likes to take chances. She just took advantage when he least expected then let him make a fool himself." I looked into Warner’s eyes and smiled. He looked into mine, we laughed. Then kissed each other all night long.

 

17

Two weeks later Carol started to feel rumblings. Mom and I ran her to the clinic, Carol was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.

"Oh me, Carol how do we handle this?" I sighed sitting on the bed beside her.

"Joan, honey, a little at a time. We’ll manage." Carol kissed my right cheek put her head on my shoulder.

There was a ceremony and a celebration. Papers were written, signed and Sealed. Carol and I became a couple but she knew I loved Warner. I needed them both in my life. Warner and I remained close. He even brought his son to meet us once.

The baby is due in June. The sonogram showed a girl. Her name will be Sheryl Anne and she’ll be beautiful. My heart of paradise is still with me and will always be. Our daughter is the luckiest girl in the world.

 

 

 

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